Dating after Divorce
So now you are divorced, or ended a long term relationship,… Now what? Family and friends always seem to want to help you start dating again, but when do you know if you are ready for a new relationship?
Well… there is no true answer. When to start a new relationship will totally depend on you. According to Judith Sills, PhD, a Philadelphia-based psychologist and author of Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted, “Everyone ends a relationship by grieving the emotional investment. For some people, that happens before they move out. Others are still emotionally married after the divorce is final.”
To move forward you should be whole emotionally, financially, mentally, and spiritually.
Things you should consider before dating….
Go by Your Feelings, Not any Calendar
If you do not feel like starting a new relationship…. Don’t. Experience the emotions of divorce. Give yourself time to think, grieve and then time to find someone else.
The Ex Factor
If you are still wondering what your ex is doing, it would be safe to say that you are not ready to start a new healthy relationship. Distractions of the past is what we term “baggage” and it is never a good idea to bring old baggage into a new relationship.
Accept Yourself as an Individual
Be you! Give yourself a chance to get to know you and enjoy life on your own terms. Don’t rush into a relationship to avoid being alone. Some alone time is good for everyone.
Things have changed since you last dated
Since everything changes as time moves on, you must remember than dating and people have too. You never know where you may meet an interesting person that you click with, so keep an open mind.
For the Single Parent
Single parents often decide not to date because of the effect it may have on their children. This is a normal, but remember, Your children don’t make other decisions for you so don’t let them keep you from dating when you decide you are ready. You just need to be very careful. “Do a very slow introduction of a new partner,” Sills says. “It should be a serious person with the potential of a long-term relationship who comes to dinner or the zoo as mom or dad's friend.”
At the end of day, you will know when you are ready to get back into the “dating scene”. Relax! You Got This!!
